Mannequins of the USS Lexington

Soulless automaton. Hmm. Appears to be similar to some of my coworkers.
Soulless automaton. Hmm. Appears to be similar to some of my coworkers.

I do not like mannequins with faces or other human features. Let me explain: I got upset this morning when drinking my McDonald’s coffee because I didn’t like the “face” the plastic lid made when I opened the drink hole. You can imagine the shock to the system that an angry mannequin would be when you are deep in the bowels of a silent, decommissioned battleship.

Looks traumatized by his receptionist job.
Looks traumatized by his receptionist job. For God’s sake: DO NOT SMOKE. He will kill you!

I left out the horrors of the dental examination rooms for your safety. I don’t want you to have any nightmares! My seven-year-old declared the dental exhibit inappropriate. Yes. Somehow it’s creepy as hell to have motion-detectors on your sound system. A sound system blaring out a buzzing drill with a man screaming.

Oh, I don’t want to warn you about that section. It’s best experienced in person.

Overly happy. Do not trust.
Overly happy. Do not trust.
That is, um, a look on your face.
That is, um, a look on your face.

Okay, so the purpose of this project was to use the fisheye lens I rented to enhance the creepy factor of these creepazoids. I just knew there would be something horrid to distort on this old ship. Yay! Museum folks never understand what neurotic people might make of their work.

Or do they???

Another Trip to Uncanny Valley

We stopped by the Olmsted County History Museum. It was underwhelming…until you turn the corner from the exhibit on the 1883 F5 tornado aftermath (which wasn’t what I would exactly describe as cheery). Then it was a horror show.

My five-year-old absolutely refused to enter the room below. I think he was upset because he saw a commercial for a new TV series: The Headless Horseman.

Sometimes a mannequin is better WITH A HEAD. OMG. :(
Sometimes a mannequin is better WITH A HEAD. OMG. 😦

But, before the headless military officers, there’s the surgery theater. My mother was particularly bothered by one of the mannequin doctors. “He’s looking right at you!” Yes, on top of the horrible scene, the Dr. Grimm gives you the stink eye. Sweet.

"Grumble, grumble, grumble."
“Grumble, grumble, grumble.”
"I frequently contemplate ways to murder Dr. Grimm."
“I frequently contemplate ways to murder Dr. Grimm.”

Here’s the surgery that the Clinic so nicely invites you to watch for learning/entertainment. So what I am saying is that my Sunday afternoon is booked, people. I’m busy breathing germs into a surgery theater.

Pretty sure the patient is awake during her eyeball removal surgery.
Pretty sure the patient is awake during her eyeball removal surgery.
The nurse says to the doctor, "How little ether to give to keep her slightly aware during this gruesome procedure?"
The nurse says to the doctor, “How little ether to give to keep her slightly aware during this gruesome procedure?”
"I think we killed her. Huh."
“I think we killed her. Huh.”

There’s also a spooky nurse watching over a child having some kind of conniption or demonic possession.

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Can't blame this mannequin from having a conniption. That icky doll is just awful.
Can’t blame this mannequin from having a conniption. That icky doll is just awful.
"Hush child. The monsters will eat your toes if you aren't quiet."
“Hush child. The monsters will eat your toes if you aren’t quiet.”
The word her hand covers up? Nightmare. Every Baby's NIGHTMARE.
The word her hand covers up? Nightmare. Every Baby’s NIGHTMARE.

(Please refrain from commenting on the Clinic and the wonderful work done there. I will just delete your comment. This is solely a commentary on the creepy museum. Because >_< WTH with the mannequins?)

Creepy Carousel of Galveston, Texas

I make it no secret that I find carousels to be hellishly creepy. So I put my kid on this ride to toughen him up a bit. I think it’s good to introduce young children to the dark arts as soon as they can understand what the words “horror” and “bad mommy” truly mean in context.

For some odd reason, this ride did not terrify my child, though. I was thoroughly spooked, but he was happy as a clam. Instead, his blood ran cold on a teacup ride. I guess spinning around a giant teapot frozen in mid-attack is unsettling to a kid. Go figure!

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And, for your viewing pleasure…here’s some uncanny valley for you:

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