Ghastly Ghost Tour.

Man, I sure love oddities.

You know what doesn’t give me jollies? Serial killers. I freaking forgot about Ted Bundy’s horrifying escapades in Salt Lake City before I signed myself up for a fun ghost tour. Guess where the second stop of the tour is?

Look, there are conflicting accounts on the interwebs as to whether Bundy lived at the site we visited. Regardless, it has an awful vibe. It doesn’t help that the tour bus dumps you off on the side of a winding road in a dark canyon. Then you trespass down a dirt entry to where the house used to be up until recently.

The tour guide did warn us ahead of time that if anyone was sensitive to, like negative energy ‘n stuff, that maybe you should reconsider visiting the site.

I should have reconsidered.

As I walked down the dirt entrance, I felt overwhelmed with terror. I shouldn’t have felt that way, as I was in a large group, and half of them had iPhone flashlights on. When we arrived at the foundation of the house and cellar (ugh, why didn’t they tear that nasty ass thing down?!), I was in a full panic.

I took some pics and told a couple of college-aged girls that I had ‘enough of this.’ They felt the same. I followed them back up the dirt road to where the bus was. These gals were calmly discussing how many prayers they might say that night for traveling to such an evil place.

Yeah, they were not moving NEARLY FAST ENOUGH TO GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. They were dawdling as far as I was concerned, but the path was too narrow for me to get past them. And I didn’t feel like it would be okay to knock them aside or trample them.

Then, to my right I heard some rustling in the bushes low to the ground. The loud mewing of a kitten came from the same area. The mewing came closer and closer to me at an alarming rate of speed.

Yup, I ran. I’m a cat person. No non-haunted kitten would ever mew at you in the dark. That’s a scientific fact.

Later when the rest of the lackadaisical group returned to the bus, the tour guide informed us that the canyon has been considered an evil place for eons. Legend has it that skinwalkers, also known as shapeshifters, wandered those parts.

In conclusion, I was almost killed by a skinwalker in kitten form.

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The rest of the tour was a lot of fun. We hunted down known Salt Lake ghosties. Some of them even ‘talked’ to us via the EMF detector. Note that the tour guide’s arm is transparent. You can see the brick right through her.

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We also visited a cemetery. I’d put the creep factor at zero, but that’s because I have been hanging out in cemeteries since I was a kid. So, movies set in them don’t scare me. That’s not where zombies come from! Duh!

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EPILOGUE: I slept with the lights on in my hotel room. I checked under the bed and in the closet (twice) for serial killer ghosts. Or scary haunted kittens. Those little shits could be anywhere. And without a magic broom to swish at them as you say ‘git! git on out of here!’ you are practically defenseless against them. Or so I imagine, since cats have despised brooms since medieval times.

If you want to experience death via kitten skinwalker, feel go right ahead and contact Grimm’s Ghost Tours.

Little Pawn Shop of Horrors

Holy frick. This place is more Mutter Museum than pawn shop. Imagine, there I am, enjoying the shopping deals on El Paso Street a couple blocks from the border.  ($6 stripper shoes? Count me in!) Then, I pass by a mummy in a glass case that’s going for $14,995. The first few trips, I resisted the urge to go in to this establishment. [A case styled as: must…see…dead body…in glass case v. must get back to Austin alive] Dead body prevailed.

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I took these babies on my camera phone. I totally got caught, and some beeatch tried to shoulder check me at the exit in a sad little attempt to prevent my escape. No damn way I was going to end up as a skull for sale in that little hell-hole.

Since I have a bad habit of pawning gifts (such as wedding rings) when I get mad, I’ve had the delicious opportunity to visit many pawn shops. I will inform you that this was my first time seeing a skull collection, full human skeleton, mummy, creepy-serial-killer-mask (what the hell is that?!!), plastic dolly, and bull whip AISLE.  Yes, but let’s not forget that great accordion. The reek of death lingers but lightly on it.

I haven’t mustered up the courage to ask them what exactly is ‘shown by appointment.’ The dried pinky finger collection from those who did not pay up on pay-day loans? [I have stared at the door pic so long that I noticed this sign in the upper left corner of the door.]

People keep saying what a waste of time facebook is. Well, when I posted these puppies, I got spectacular advice such as:

Ann, it’s not safe after dark in downtown! 

You should be careful! Yes, I am scolding you. Now, back to your hotel room, missy!

I should have listened. Here’s why: A couple drunk guys contemplated (loudly) kidnapping/raping me. Not kidding. They decided that because there were people filming in the hotel across the desolate street from me, it wasn’t worth the risk. Yikes.