Winky Wilda

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Winky Wilda was introduced in 1972 by the little-known Lovey Babies Company to compete in the saturated baby doll market. The marketers hoped they could differentiate Wilda from the leading competition by having her look more like a younger sister instead of an infant.

This tactic proved to be a mistake. Hundreds of complaints rained down on Lovey Babies from parents and teachers alike shortly after the Christmas season. Little girls were found beating the doll–some even crushing the dolls’ heads or plucking out one or both eyes.

The reasons behind the vicious attacks were never determined. Nonetheless, Lovey Babies filed for bankruptcy in mid-1973. Hasbro purchased the remaining stock and unused vinyl, which were rumored to have been melted down and made into the first run of My Little Pony’s Cotton Candy.

Since the first run of Cotton Candy has never been related to any acts of violence perpetrated by little girls, rumors that Winky Wilda was cursed or haunted are unsubstantiated.

The most logical theory behind the savage beatings is that the little girls who received Wilda were spoiled brats who likely took pleasure in abusing their younger siblings.

Badass Bathrooms: Portland Edition (Chinese Restaurant)

Being in this bathroom was a life altering event. You just have to  experience this place to receive the benefits.

Just look at how it benefitted me:

I was awestruck.
I was awestruck.

Upon entering the bathroom at the Republic Cafe, you feel pulled into another era. Hell, you feel pulled into a movie. Specifically, Goodfellas. I’m almost certain that’s where I last saw this wallpaper.

Toilets of infinityyyyyyyy!
Toilets of infinityyyyyyyy!

Look, going into this bathroom isn’t all fun and games. Except when you walk in on some poor chick trying to take a leak in privacy.

If they are going to use shoddy shutters for the loo, why not just have a lock on the dang door???
If they are going to use shoddy shutters for the loo, why not just have a lock on the dang door???

I will end with the entrance to the bathroom. There are 3 very special cinnamon bears on the moulding above the door. This must be a sign of good luck. Or lack of attention to detail when cleaning. Either way, right?

Suspicious cinnamon bears.
Suspicious cinnamon bears.

Jesus on the Cross with Santa Muerte…and a Dragon with a Sword.

Not quite sure what’s going on here at Choi’s Gifts in El Paso.

Another cheery image for the world!
Another cheery image for the world!

I don’t know if these items necessarily belong next to a big stack of baby dolls, either. But, let’s face it. They are selling a big bucket of hands at the front of the store. There’s not likely any rhyme or reason to the order of things.

Suddenly, I don't feel so itchy any more.
Suddenly, I don’t feel so itchy any more.

I haven’t worked up the nerve to go into that store yet. I just *know* I’d walk out with a large Santa Muerte for my desk at work. I already have some veladoras and a spray for “Love” which feature Santa Muerte on my credenza. In case you were curious, Love smells like clean car scent.

 

Upcycling in Austin.

Upcycling is a way to re-use items generally thought of as waste or otherwise useless. Etsy.com has some great upcycled fashion options that I enjoy seeing. It’s nice to see some uggie sweater made into a fashionably weird shrug. Cardboard rosettes! All kinds of things.

Well, here’s the outdoor upcycling I found on North Loop in Austin, Texas today. These items outshine your shiniest backyard bottle tree.

1. One man’s crap is another guys tangled ball of toothed jaws tangled in bike tires and chicken wire.

Very inviting!
Very inviting!

2. Why limit your window treatments to the indoors? Let’s think outside the proverbial box. This is a great way to re-purpose that rug or blanket that looked like hell inside the house.

How...colorful!
How…colorful!

3. Ah, the age old question of what to do with that smelly but serviceable early 1970s chair. The porch! With an unlovable, depressed stuffed monkey to add a splash of interest, this chair is a hit. A throw pillow says “trashy.” A floppy toy says “punchy.”

Monkey in repose.
Monkey in repose.

4. Let’s say you have some extra googly eyes. Maybe they fell off your stuffed monkey. Or you just plain bought too many one day. You can upcycle those eyes by gluing them to city signs to add a touch of interest to an ordinary warning.

Psycho Dog cleans up after himself.
Psycho Dog cleans up after himself.
PYSCHO DOG IS WATCHING YOU
PYSCHO DOG IS WATCHING YOU

4. Used advertising posters for eyewear. Why place these beauties in the landfill after the campaign for nerd glasses ends? You can reuse those posters as decor for your drab cedar fence. Satanic symbols are optional!

Posters advertising eyewear. Upcycled with Satanic elements and a furry mustache on the model.
Posters advertising eyewear. Upcycled with Satanic elements and a furry mustache on the model.
"Oh please, Jesus!" Looks like the model is about to eat that rabbit's head right off. You know what, that rabbit is ill-suited for this type of ad.
“Oh please, Jesus!” Looks like the model is about to eat that rabbit’s head right off. You know what? That vampire rabbit is ill-suited for this type of ad.

5. Do you have a leggy, large stuffed animal and extra Mardi Gras beads from last Tuesday? YARD ART, PEOPLE. Chuck those bad boys up into a tree where they can dangle precariously for the next few years. If the objects are green, they add a nice flash of color during winter. See below.

Kermit with bird and Mardi Gras beads.
Kermit with bird and Mardi Gras beads.

6. Ugly chain link fence? Dazzle your neighbors with a bright object carefully woven into the wire. In this case, rather than throwing out the gag gift spider, the home occupant utilized it as a brilliant cover-up for a boring city fence. Charming!

Pink spider on a fence.
Pink spider on a fence.

7. Spare cardboard that got wet and can’t be recycled per city instructions? Make a cut out and use it as a stencil. Note: I don’t recommend defacing city streets with Satanic skulls with permanent paint. That’s considered Criminal Mischief, a CRIME.

This would be better in a water-soluble, eco-friendly paint instead of spray paint.
This would be better in a water-soluble, eco-friendly paint instead of spray paint.

Dead pets. Pet Sematary Style.

Yup. Monster was a Stephen King creation.

When I visited Hixon, Tennesee I came accross a family plot. A true family plot which included a couple of pets. Oddly long-lived pets, I might add. Monster the Cat…INDEED. 1984-2005. Was he buried in Pet Sematary for a while before he met his zombie cat demise? Oh, surely.

Here are some of my favorite scenes from that movie:

My devious high school friend Jennifer and I had all the good lines memorized. Especially the part where the dad laments his shitty parenting and the kid gets a smack by a Mack, “Noooooo! Noooooo!” Cue bloody shoe.

Another favorite was the funeral scene. Damned Grandpa gets in Shitty Dad’s face, “Where were you when he was playing in the road?!” A fight ensues, casket knocked open. How eery. Would have been better if the bloody shoe made another appearance.

What’s not to like about this move? The ‘sematary’ is and old Indian burial ground: cool racism, dude! Zelda, the wife’s sister with a serious health condition or physical developmental disability, is villified. Because people with disabilities are scary! She’ll twist your back like hers is twisted, and YOU’LL NEVER GET OUT OF BED AGAIN!

Now that I think about it, I would have had better luck with the boys in high school if I hadn’t spent my freshman year reciting lines from Pet Sematary. And there were these really cute twin brothers, one of whom took a liking to me in physical education. How did I ruin that? One of the pair (who gives a shit, identical twins), forgot his glasses. Well, I felt the need to act out the three witches scene from The Clash of the Titans. “Give me back the EYE!” It was three witches and one Perseus acted out by Ann. No appreciation for the arts by those two!

It would be many moons and personality changes later before I could manage to get laid. Plus, I moved to another state. That helped tons.

Davidson County Courthouse (Nashville, TN)

Loved it. Absolutely loved it. Sadly, I went on a Sunday and couldn’t visit the inside of the courthouse. Nevertheless, this has to be one of the best exteriors I have come across. With a mixture of period carving up to modern infinity reflecting pools, this courthouse is an active piece of art. Enjoy!

I didn't like this shot, but my husband thought it looked like the biker was riding on water.
Lady Justice looks awfully 'stabby' today. I've had those days in court, too. Although, I usually don't beckon a victim with my sinister hand.
Says Lady Loyalty to Mr. Courage, "I saw you lookin' at my boobs, so I stole a star to shine in your face. Be more respectful in the future."
Why are serpents evil in some stories and not in others? Hmm. Sometimes, people get bit by snakies. Baad snakies. Other times, snakies eat rodents feasting on our crops and yield. Good snakies.
Bubo has found a home in Nashville.

Let me tell you a few things, Kiddo.

I see ya over there, lookin’ all innocent-like. I was like that once too. But then I started runnin’ with a rough crowd. That’s how I ended up behind bars. Don’t be like me. You’re a nice kid. Go home and kiss yer ma and tell ‘er ya love ‘er. And be good.

And if you do get yourself in a pile of poop, remember one thing. Don't let the time do you.

Animal Oddities

I went to Oxbow Park again in Rochester, MN. Sadly, the one-eyed owl was gone…probably to a better place. Disturbingly, it was replaced with an owl with a blind eye. What the hell is going on in Minnesota? Is there some assknocker out there poking at owls’ eyes so we have a sufficient supply of half-blinded owls?

You betcha!

I have to admit, I felt pretty silly after I finally read the information about the wonderful Great Horned Owl (who I would have named the Cat Head Owl on account of the cat ears and eyes). Anyhow, the Latin name for the creature answered a certain question that has been nagging me for decades. Why is that owl in Clash of the Titans called Bubo? Yes, I watched the credits to make sure that “not my precious Bubo’ is spelled ‘bubo.’ Ya know, in espanol it’s called a ‘buho.’ That’s a better name, because that’s what owls say (bwuo!). Bwuo! Bwuo! Say it squatting on a branch with your arms like chicken wings. You’ll see that it’s a superior name.

I learn something new every day. Pretty soon I'll be knowledgeable about something.

This is what Bubo has been up to since his starring role:

Here are other animals with issues:

Pretty sure the porcupines had been roofied.
Eagle told me to tell you this message, "I'm not bald, you morons. I have white feathers. Also, I'm tired of this owl next to us. It's like he doesn't even SEE ME. Total jerk of a neighbor."

My mom’s neighbors are pigs.

>The current state of their dump is somewhat improved over previous iterations. Such as the time my mom had to call the city to get them to remove the piles of trash from their back yard. There were rats crawling out of it!

Still, these pigs bring down the entire neighborhood.

You're right. Don't finish any of the three paint jobs you have started during the past 15 years. Sheesh. You're just going to have to paint it over again some day.
My mom likes to watch the Diet Pepsi can collection in the window change over time. Last week they were up to 13 cans.
Of course your satellite dish should be larger than your home. How else are you going to hear from the aliens?
Cool tire collection!

Let’s watch the Diet Pepsi can collection change over time!

What in the serious hell is going on with those cans?!