Startled Stella


I found this lovely dolly at Mercader Antiques in the Houston Heights. Oh, she doesn’t look all that scary in person. Like most of today’s celebrities, she’s been heavily Photoshopped. (Okay, she’s a total wreck in person, too.)

I’d been to that shop before a couple of years ago and noticed their rather extensive doll assortment. I hadn’t bought anything that time, regretfully. This time around, however, I was determined to find myself a really hideous mess to bring home.

In all honesty, this antique shop is totally normal and has nice stuff–including collectable composite dolls in good condition. I ended up grabbing a Patsy Ann doll. I had no idea who or what a Patsy Ann was. All I knew is that the doll looked like my little girl and was in fair enough condition that it was still cute as a button. Patsy Ann is hanging out with my adorable Claudette now.

At this point, I have so many composite dolls from the 1930s that I should probably learn how to clean them up. I learned last night that these dolls’ eyes get all jacked up and cloudy because that is what happens to acrylic doll eyes. I should just probably walk away from this idea, though. I have enough hobbies already.

Why does something this horrible exist?

And why was it in a warehouse at a pottery store in El Paso? HOW IS THIS A GOOD IDEA?

Good job on that murderous gaze, Sculptor.
Wanna buy this nice wood chair? Wait! Why are you running from me?

I suppose it’s the whole carelessness of the scene which makes it even worse. It’s like, “Meh, the head fell off this one. Or maybe Stiff Roy here knocked it off last night. Either way, I’ll deal with this mess later. I have customers to slice up. Uh, I mean ring up.”

He looks way too satisfied with himself. And what exactly is that headless one doing with his pants? 

This is not the scene I expected to find when I went into the back of the warehouse. You can imagine the momentary terror I felt when out of the corner of my eye it looked like a demonic man was staring at me while I was shopping in the Mexican pottery section.

Oh, and there were several other scary guys hanging out in the furniture area. They were sitting at a table playing cards as though it were the most normal thing the world. And that, my friends, is what is truly terrifying: Someone thinks this is normal.