Dead pets. Pet Sematary Style.

Yup. Monster was a Stephen King creation.

When I visited Hixon, Tennesee I came accross a family plot. A true family plot which included a couple of pets. Oddly long-lived pets, I might add. Monster the Cat…INDEED. 1984-2005. Was he buried in Pet Sematary for a while before he met his zombie cat demise? Oh, surely.

Here are some of my favorite scenes from that movie:

My devious high school friend Jennifer and I had all the good lines memorized. Especially the part where the dad laments his shitty parenting and the kid gets a smack by a Mack, “Noooooo! Noooooo!” Cue bloody shoe.

Another favorite was the funeral scene. Damned Grandpa gets in Shitty Dad’s face, “Where were you when he was playing in the road?!” A fight ensues, casket knocked open. How eery. Would have been better if the bloody shoe made another appearance.

What’s not to like about this move? The ‘sematary’ is and old Indian burial ground: cool racism, dude! Zelda, the wife’s sister with a serious health condition or physical developmental disability, is villified. Because people with disabilities are scary! She’ll twist your back like hers is twisted, and YOU’LL NEVER GET OUT OF BED AGAIN!

Now that I think about it, I would have had better luck with the boys in high school if I hadn’t spent my freshman year reciting lines from Pet Sematary. And there were these really cute twin brothers, one of whom took a liking to me in physical education. How did I ruin that? One of the pair (who gives a shit, identical twins), forgot his glasses. Well, I felt the need to act out the three witches scene from The Clash of the Titans. “Give me back the EYE!” It was three witches and one Perseus acted out by Ann. No appreciation for the arts by those two!

It would be many moons and personality changes later before I could manage to get laid. Plus, I moved to another state. That helped tons.

Mummy Squirrel: Scary shit at my mom’s house

Mummy Squirrel in Repose

When I visited in November, my mother proudly showed me a dead squirrel in her yard. “He ate the D-Con for the chipmunks. Since then, I have been watching him rot away.”

Well, rather than rotting away, it has mummfied.

She was upset when we drove up to the house because her disgusting dead squirrel was lying on the sidewalk. She likes to display Mummy Squirrel on an ash tree instead of on the ground.

My step-dad promptly went outside and rectified the situation. Now it’s back in the tree. It really is worse in person.

Something for your nightmares!