Maybe it would be healthier if I’d just pick up strange men in the hotel bar. Hmm. Probably not. I’ll stick to my self-love as expressed through obsessive self-portraiture.

While driving through Rosenberg, Texas, I passed by a cool little lime green store selling tiny spandex dresses. You bet your left fanny cheek I stopped on in! The store is called Novedades, and it has an assortment of dresses, shoes, and jewelry for going out and partying. I got an adorable sateen black dress with one strap. I found a small shrug to cover up my shoulders. Ya know, for the sake of modesty.

I decided I should take pics of myself posing in the dress to make sure I looked cute. But, this darn telenovela kept drawing my attention away from myself.


It’s been years since a novela held me in such thrall. It’s like falling in love when you find a good one. At first, the characters excite you with their enigmatic personalities and flashy ways. You find yourself practically salivating when the beginning credits run.

As you come to know the characters over the months, you realize they aren’t all that enigmatic after all. They were simply hiding terrible aspects of their personalities. And, the ones that aren’t bore you to death. (Ugh, not another scene with Moralistic Maid. Can’t she go dust the already spotless house in silence?)

As the months drag on, it hits you. These characters aren’t interesting at all. They are the same damn characters you keep getting sucked in by time and time again and you never learn! YOU NEVER LEARN!

You swear off Univision for the next five years in the hopes you find something to fill the hole in your life. So, my friend, how is it that you find yourself alone in a hotel room watching one?

Don’t tell me. Was that the channel the TV was at when you turned it on? Maybe you were distracted when phone rang as you were flipping channels?

Or, did you, out of morbid curiousity, flip to Univision to convince yourself that there’s nothing there for you–except you got sucked in once again. I’m sure you find yourself disappointed in your lack of impulse control…and the fact that despite your efforts to find better things in life, you can’t avoid the truth. You like cheap dresses and chintzy shows.

Just throw your New Yorkers out. You won’t be needing them from now on.

Oh my! I've seen that look before. Teresa better high-tail it on outta that guy's office.
You get that creeper look off your face Mister! Not only are you married, but you also have a very pretty, sweet young girlfriend.
Oh! She's totally gonna seduce this guy for his money.
I don't think dude even knows what a hot mess Teresa is.
I can't believe you are trying to cheat on your broke boyfriend with a rich married guy. Who ever heard of such a thing.
These are the characters telenovela producers throw in to represent the lower socio-economic classes. I think they do it to make the show more relatable. However, all I can ever think of is that shite character Cayetano from Rubi.

Yeah! Total edit! I got two hits off of Teresa Telenovela. I am so happy! Es el tipo de televnovela que me gusta. Hay una diabla, una angelica malentidida, various hombres super-apasionados. No hay nada mejor (con respeto al amor) que un hombre apasionado para ti. Mejor dicho, para mi. Como me gusta inspirar un hombre asi. Tendria que ser una mujer bastante seductiva para tener un hombre besando mis pies.

Alas, I know of no such man. I dare say he doesn’t exist.

In any event, I am enjoying this telenovela. I haven’t liked one in years. This one plays into the common archetypes and speaks to the viewer. It can be difficult to carry this on without being cheesy. I’ll see if this one is on par w Rosalinda (ay amor!).

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